You make your own standards, whether you know it or not – and people treat you according to your standards. This could be with a boyfriend or even a friend, how they will treat you is how you let them treat you. I may be a weak person when it comes to speaking my mind, but I will never lower my standards – especially not when it comes to men. In this post, I am not using “standard” by the normal definition.
There are certain girls in my life who are always complaining; my boyfriend doesn’t take me out on dates, he doesn’t open the door for me, and he hardly pays for me. Yet, most of the time these girls don’t do anything to fix it, they just complain. I believe that when you first meet someone, how you present yourself and treat them is how they will define you – of course, everyone knows that first impressions matter…but this goes further than that.
An example: (keep in mind that this is the only one I could come up with at 1 in the morning)
You go out with your boyfriend and he opens the car door for you, you thank him then the next day when he doesn’t do it again you say nothing, this happens the next day and the next and the next. This sets the standard and tells him that it is OK if he doesn’t open the door for you. Now, I’m not telling you to force the poor guy to open the door for you all the time but it goes to show that men don’t know what we are thinking… we have to tell them.
“Let him treat you like a lady and open the car door for you. If he doesn’t automatically open the door for you, stand by the darn thing and don’t get into the vehicle until he realises he needs to get hid behind out of the driver’s seat and come round and open the car door for you. That’s his job!” – Steve Harvey
Other examples include: You always paying for a guy, he will soon start to anticipate it; or you always driving him around – you’ll end up being the driver.
If you want your boyfriend to do something, such as take you on cute dates, or pay for your meals more often instead of splitting (I hate splitting bills… even best friends don’t do that) then you have to tell him. Only then will you raise your standards and he will follow you by raising his.
“You control what you can control—your image, the way you conduct yourself, the way you let men talk to and approach you—and use that to get the relationship you want.”
Once you start the present yourself as a woman who knows what is good for her, then the guy you are dating will learn. By that time, he either has two options: 1. Leave you because he is not looking for a strong woman who knows what she wants 2. Step up his game and try his best to please you.
You shouldn’t have to lower your standards for someone who will not make you happy, and does not know how. Realize your own value and know that you deserve to find someone who is able to take care of you, and make you happy in the process. There are many men who can take care of a women, but only few can truly make her happy.
I know some of you are skeptical and may think that the perfect guy out there doesn’t exist- it’s true… there isn’t a perfect guy. My answer will be cliche, but there is no perfect human being on earth. But, with communication – you can find the perfect guy for yourself, and by letting him know how to please you – and how you want to be pleased then a real man would be happy that he now has the knowledge to please the love of his life.